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7 Ways to Control Anger in a Relationship

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Finding the right partner doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have fewer problems down the road—even the best-matched couples will still argue from time to time. But having a partner that understands you, your needs, and how to meet them can make all the difference in keeping your anger under control during stressful situations or when you simply don’t agree with your partner’s actions or words. Here are 7 ways to control anger in your relationship and keep those arguments from getting out of hand.

Separate Yourself

In any relationship, two things can lead to anger: 1) conflict between you and your partner or 2) an issue that your partner has with another person. The first step is always figuring out whether it’s you or them that are causing tension. And while we’re on the subject, don’t be afraid of saying No! When issues arise – especially when someone else is involved – find a way to step away so you can both cool off before talking through it. It could save your relationship from unnecessary stress or strain. Remember: Things are never as good as they seem when you’re angry and nothing is ever as bad as it seems when you’ve had time to calm down and think about it rationally.

7 Ways to Control Anger in a Relationship – Relax Your Body

how to control anger in a relationship - Relax Your Body
how to control anger in a relationship – Relax Your Body

Our bodies naturally tense up when we’re angry, making us feel even angrier and more out of control. To keep from lashing out at your partner, stop what you’re doing and take three deep breaths. It doesn’t matter if you breathe in for one second or ten—just make sure you focus on your breathing for about 30 seconds to slow down your heart rate and physical tension. You can also try squeezing a stress ball or clenching your fists and counting backwards by sevens (1, 2, 3, 4…55) while taking deep breaths until your anger subsides.

Change the Way You Think

how to control anger in a relationship - Change the Way You Think
how to control anger in a relationship – Change the Way You Think

Sometimes anger is caused by an argument you had with your partner. Sometimes it’s because something else happened that made you feel angry or frustrated. No matter what your reason for feeling angry is, there are things you can do to control it and keep it from harming your relationship. The trick is changing how you think about situations so that anger doesn’t get out of hand. If someone cuts into traffic, don’t yell at them — think about how they could have gotten home faster if they hadn’t cut you off; chances are they were late getting somewhere and had some place more important to be than being on time for an appointment with you.

7 Ways to Control Anger in a Relationship – Stay Centered

how to control anger in a relationship - Stay Centered
how to control anger in a relationship – Stay Centered

If you’re not centered, you’re bound to lose your temper at some point. Stay calm and take deep breaths if you notice yourself getting angry. Use positive self-talk: You might be feeling a lot of frustration right now, but try turning that anger into positive energy that helps power you through tough times. Think about how good it will feel when your relationship is back on track. Write things down: Do everything possible to avoid saying hurtful things while you’re angry; jotting down what you want to say is often enough motivation for people not to lose their cool in conversation. That said, make sure someone else can read over what you write before sending anything out into cyberspace—you never know who might have access later! Read: Marital Conflict – How To Resolve It And Be Happy

Accept Responsibility for Your Emotions

how to control anger in a relationship – Accept Responsibility for Your Emotions

Blaming others for your anger is not only counterproductive, but it will also cause more problems. It’s important to recognize that anger management begins with you. You are responsible for your feelings and how you choose to react. Telling yourself, he makes me angry or she’s always making me so upset, maybe easier than taking responsibility for your emotions and actions, but it just won’t work long-term. Instead of blaming others or pretending you have no control over your emotions, take an honest look at what may be causing you distress and commit to developing a plan of action moving forward. Remember: The first step toward better control over anger is accepting responsibility for your part in causing it.

7 Ways to Control Anger in a Relationship – Take Deep Breaths

It’s easy to get into an angry state of mind, especially when things aren’t going your way or when you’re feeling stressed. One of the best ways to control anger is taking deep breaths, and focusing on your breathing rather than on your thoughts. Breathing slowly and deeply through your nose will help activate diaphragmatic breathing which will help calm you down much more effectively than shallow chest breathing. And whenever you feel yourself getting angry about something else (don’t worry it happens), make sure that you take time out for some slow deep breathing exercise. It doesn’t matter if it’s at work or anywhere else, just focus on inhaling for four seconds, holding for two seconds, and exhaling for six seconds.

Don’t Try So Hard

how to control anger in a relationship - Don’t Try So Hard
how to control anger in a relationship – Don’t Try So Hard

Trying too hard is one of the most common reasons why people lose control and blow up. It’s hard not to; after all, if someone has pissed you off it’s only natural that you’ll try your hardest to get them back. In fact, it can be so instinctive that we don’t even realize we’re doing it until way later. But constantly trying your hardest to control every situation will eventually wear you down, leading you to blow up on people—sometimes for things that are truly out of your control.

It’s easy to become frustrated when you feel like your partner isn’t supporting you, but it’s worth keeping in mind that they don’t know what they can do. It can be helpful to ask them—but instead of asking them What can I do? ask, what would help you right now? What helps when you feel angry? How do we best communicate during conflict so we keep things calm and constructive?

Read: Marital Conflict – How To Resolve It And Be Happy

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